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Tuesday, February 8, 2011

Honesty is such a lonely word......

In order to be completely honest with yourself about where you think your life is going, you have to first cut out all the bull and start asking yourself some really, really difficult questions.  The kinds of questions that you probably thought you already asked yourself, and maybe you DID, but you lied to yourself when you answered them so that you could stay in your comfort zone with the wool pulled over your eyes for awhile longer.  Pull off the wool, for pete's sake.  Otherwise, after too many years, you're bound to wake up stinking and unable to focus.

So, you might ask things like:  "What do you want to get out of this life?"  "What is the most important thing to you?"  "What is keeping you from your dreams?"  "What is keeping you from YOU?"  "Who is God?"  "What is your biggest fear?"  "Who or what is your great love?"  "Who is your greatest influence and why?"

I've been thinking about most of these questions for most of my life.  That doesn't mean I've bothered to answer them genuinely all of the time.  Many times I've felt like I've failed myself and my life's mission.  I've feel like I've been off track quite a few times, sometimes for years at a time.  But when you really think about it, how do you know that you are really "off track?"  I mean, depending on how you define the purpose of your life, you could and maybe should allow for a few detours along the way in order to fulfill a certain role for someone else or to learn a big lesson.  For the most part, I now feel like I am where I need to be in my journey.  I think if you want to live, I mean REALLY live, you need to stay engaged and keep an open mind. 

One of my greatest struggles in this life has been my tendency, no, obsession, over worrying about what others think of me and the decisions I make.  It even affected with whom I chose to share this blog first.  Writers like to have an audience, but in this case I wanted to start with an audience who either doesn't know me from Adam (or Eve! :) ) or who would be able to keep a distant and/or healthy perspective on our situation and offer an opinion without cutting me to the quick and causing me to worry more about what they think of me than the actual issue at hand.  I am overly-sensitive, but I am learning to turn that into a blessing.  :)

This post is not going to reveal my answers to all of the questions I asked above, but let me just say this: 

When I was 16 years old I had a spiritual experience where I tearfully begged God to tell me what my life was for, and He answered me with one word.  LOVE.  I think sometimes I've lived up to that purpose, and many times I've failed miserably.  So, I can ask myself now, what decision should I make regarding moving to Mexico that would promote the best, deepest love all around?  There are MANY people to factor in while answering this question, including people that I don't even know.

In all honesty, if I take a look deep inside, the question about living in Mexico again was never really "Will we go?"  It has always been "WHEN will we go?"  

Now the real fun begins.  Keep reading at your own risk.  I will not be held liable for any possible motion sickness while joining me on what could sometimes feel like either a crazy roller coaster ride or a long road trip in a stuffy car.

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